Christmas and Innocence

This blog is sort of a response to this blog post. Here. So go read it now! Otherwise it will not make sense.

You done? Good.

Yesterday I was decorating the tree like always. It was looking beautiful. I moved over to the box of novelties and sorted through it. Finally I found one that was mine. It was a silver bell with a deep maroon ribbon that had a gold trim. To anyone else this was a regular old bell with a regular old ribbon. But to me it is so much more.

It is my bell from Santa's sleigh.

Yes I have long abandoned my belief in Santa but one year when I was 8 or 9 I asked for a bell from Santa's Sleigh, just like in the Polar Express. I cannot remember whether or not I still believed at that point but I vividly remember what happened later.

I received my bell. It was beautiful. It was a silver but not shiny but not dull either. It had a maroon bow edged in gold. In my letter that Santa wrote back, he said that the bell came off of Rudolph's harness and Rudolph's helper elf gave me the bow.

When school started up again, I remember walking home one day from the bus stop and a kid tried to tell me Santa was not real. I got angry with him and yelled at him and told him Santa was real. He laughed and said, "Prove it" I thought for a moment and realized that my bell was the only proof I had. So I promised to bring him the bell the next day. He said, "Sure" and laughed and walked away.

I ran up to my house knowing the truth that I was never going to bring him my bell because Santa is not real.

I'm not so sure my innocence ended there. Innocence extends beyond the magic of a jolly guy in a red suit. I think it is chipped away each time you have to face something you are not ready for. It is never fully taken away, there is always some magic or wonderment in the world.

There are two significant things that have chipped at my innocence. These two things have taken the largest chunks out of me.
-The death of my best friend in eighth grade
-People who hate my mother

I may expand on these subjects later but for now I have given you enough food for thought.

Odette